My struggles & more on diagnoses

I’m not going to make any more promises about posting regularly. Sometimes it will happen, sometimes it won’t. The bottom line is that writing these posts can feel overwhelming at times, and I’ve been trying to make this blog informative and useful to others and not purely about my own experiences, but when the two are so interrelated it’s impossible not to discuss my own mental health issues. I guess I felt that I could make my blog more objectively about mental illness – a broader overview that could help people – but I’m realizing I can’t. It feels dishonest to write “it gets better” when I myself am struggling so intensely and might not always agree with what I’m saying.

Besides, there are plenty of websites with information about mental illness and helpful tools and coping techniques that can be used (I’ll list some at the bottom for reference). My aim can no longer be to replicate one of those sites, but instead to share with you my own experiences: things that worked or didn’t work, my struggles, and how I’m coping. In the end, this will be harder to share, potentially harder to read, but more honest and possibly even more useful, albeit in a very different way.

With that being said, I will say that these past few weeks have been impossibly hard. Difficult to the point where I wasn’t sure I would make it through. It’s been a bit of everything, with my mood really going up and down, flashbacks, nightmares and sleeping poorly some nights, anxiety, and the depersonalization and derealization symptoms persisting throughout all of this. I have stopped focusing so much on the diagnosis aspect of my concerns, and instead I’ve turned my attention to the symptoms. Mainly because I was becoming so preoccupied with labelling my concerns that I wasn’t really dealing with the symptoms at all, which is obviously counterproductive. It’s been really hard to find somebody who can help with my concerns.

The biggest annoyance about the labels or names that exist in the world of mental health, for me, is that it can leave out people who are struggling, but who might not fit the characteristic description of a certain illness. For example, I have been told that I have symptoms of PTSD, but I don’t fit the textbook description of it, so I feel that in many situations my issues that are related to trauma are ignored, and instead the focus is put entirely on depression and anxiety, when there is clearly more to it than that.

My psychologist says that she is still trying to figure me out. At first I thought, what on earth? It shouldn’t be that complicated. I started to worry she didn’t really know what she was doing, but then I realized it’s actually a good thing, because when I was in the hospital I was barely given a proper assessment (and when I was assessed, it was while I was on medications that really messed me up), before the doctors decided it was depression and anxiety. While these were accurate, I also knew that there was more going on, stuff related to trauma, grief, etc. So the fact that this new psychologist of mine is willing to work out and attempt to understand the bigger picture is probably a good sign. I want to figure things out – whether I end up with a different set of diagnoses or not. I want to know and understand what’s going on so I can work towards healing.

 

 

And here are some helpful websites, as promised!

www.comh.ca/antidepressant-skills/adult (antidepressant skills workbook)
www.anxietybc.com
www.heretohelp.bc.ca
http://keltymentalhealth.ca/mental-health
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome (free online CBT program)

 

Bell Let’s Talk Day is Here!!!

Bell Let’s Talk day is finally here! For those who haven’t heard about it, it’s a day where, for every text or call (from a Bell phone), and for every tweet (with hashtag #BellLetsTalk ) or share on facebook of their Bell Let’s Talk image, Bell will donate 5 cents towards helping support mental health initiatives in various ways such as mental health care and research. There is no reason or excuse (not in my books, anyways) to NOT participate in this awesome event. It’s simple to do, takes no time at all, and the effects could be HUGE, with the potential to change and save so many lives. So everyone, TWEET! CALL! TEXT!

Last year more than $4.8M was raised! When I think about this, and how many people participated, I feel extremely emotional. It gives me hope, and it could give many others hope as well. It’s an inspiring initiative with so much to be gained. It is my hope that more attention will be focused on mental health, in every area of people’s lives such as schools, in the workplace, and at home. Also, as funding is such a huge issue, the fact that Bell is willing to donate money is incredible. Over the past year I have struggled greatly due in part to lack of services, and I have struggled unnecessarily because help was not always available to me for various reasons (such as demographic, age, etc).

Mental illness should not have the stigma attached to it that it does. It makes the struggle even harder, and not only does money need to be raised, but awareness as well. This should be an open conversation that everyone can feel safe having. Just as we discuss physical health in an open way, mental health should not be any different. No one deserves to feel shame or embarrassment or fear for broaching this topic. While it can be difficult at times to discuss, it is even more difficult for those who are suffering to have to suffer alone and hold it all in.

So today, do whatever you can to make this year’s Bell Let’s Talk day another huge success!!!

http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/

14 Myths About Mental Illness

Myth # 1:
Having a mental illness means a person is weak or flawed.

Reality:
This is so far from the truth. Suffering from a mental illness is an incredibly challenging experience. Our society’s perception of it as a weakness leads to people feeling much more inclined to try to hide their suffering, which makes it even more difficult to cope. This requires enormous strength, and for many of these people, every day is a fight. Strength should be considered the trademark of mental illness, along with bravery and inspiration.

Myth # 2:
People struggling with a mental illness can, and should, just “get over it”.

Reality:
Mental illness is easily as debilitating as a physical illness, and a person cannot “get over it” or pull themselves out of it anymore than they can stop themselves from having diabetes or cancer. If this were possible, well, needless to say I probably wouldn’t be writing about this.

Myth # 3:
Once you are diagnosed with a mental illness, there is no hope or chance of getting better.

Reality:
Luckily for us, mental illness is a problem that does have a solution. While it can take time, resources, and support, people suffering from mental illness can go on to live full and happy lives. There is hope, and there is a way out of the suffering.

Myth # 4:
People struggling with a mental illness have brought it on themselves. Depressed people could easily choose to be positive, but they are instead choosing negativity.

Reality:
This is a huge falsity, and one I can personally attest to. Depression can be brought on by any number of factors, such as genes (although according to new scientific research, genes actually play a far smaller role than we ever thought before, as discussed by physician Gabor Maté), psychological development, and life experience.

Depressed people DO NOT bring it on themselves, and they are not choosing to be negative. One of the most frustrating thing having experienced depression myself is to have somebody spout out numerous “power of positive thinking” ploys. While I am not entirely against the power of positive thinking, for a person suffering from depression, this is simply not enough to solve the problem. If this were the case, depression likely wouldn’t plague the millions of people that it does.

Myth # 5:
Addiction is just a lack of willpower.

Reality:
Addiction has little to do with willpower. Addiction is mostly the result of a process in the brain that is due to a large number of factors, none of which involve a person’s willpower. For more information on the topic of addiction, I highly recommend the book “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts” by Gabor Maté, which describes in detail the cause of addiction.

Myth # 6:
When a teenager gets depressed, it’s just hormones, or a part of growing up.

Reality:
Depression is not just a “part of growing up”, it is a serious illness and a cause for concern. It should not be swept under the rug as “just hormones” and viewing it as such can result in a feeling of invalidation. Instead, it is important to recognize and validate the person’s concerns and seek the appropriate type of help. Nobody should have to suffer through it without help, or be told that their feelings, symptoms or concerns are just a teenage phase, and not a legitimate problem.

Myth # 7:
People with depression are just not appreciative of what they have.

Reality:
I myself have been told this. I have been told that I have “so many good things going for me” and that I should appreciate what I have, but in reality it doesn’t work this way. This is frustrating because a mental illness does not necessarily equate a lack of appreciation. I may appreciate everything I have, and recognize what I have going for me, but this will not eradicate or take away the pain and suffering. This approach undermines the person’s suffering, and labelling something such as depression as simply a lack of appreciation only increases the person’s feeling of guilt and helplessness.

Myth # 8:
People who are well-to-do, middle-class, or come from an affluent background can’t get depressed. People who have good things going for them are not at risk of mental illness.

Reality:
Mental illness doesn’t discriminate. A person of any socio-economic background can suffer, and no matter how many “good things” a person has going for them, they could still potentially suffer from a mental illness.

Myth # 9:
Medication is the only effective solution for mental illness.

Reality:
Medication is only one option, and it may or may not work for certain people, and it always depends on the mental health concern in question. There are also many other options such as therapy, light therapy, exercise, journalling, self-help books, etc. I have had people in my life advocate hugely for me to take medication, but personally I haven’t found it to be helpful. I would like to point out that for people like myself, who prefer to go a different and more “natural” route, there are definitely other equally effective options, depending on the particular symptoms involved.

Myth # 10:
Mental illness is purely genetic.

Reality:
Not so. Mental illness can also be caused by environmental factors, brain development, life experience, etc. etc.

Myth # 11:
“But you/they seem so happy!”

Reality:
A person can appear to be happy and cheerful, and still be suffering inwardly. The shame that results from our society’s stigmatization of mental health concerns makes it challenging for people to be honest with themselves and with others about how they’re feeling. This leads to an increase of guilt, shame, feelings of worthlessness and feelings of isolation.

Myth # 12:
Suicide threats and self-harm, along with other symptoms of mental illness, are merely attention-seeking antics.

Reality:
Suicide threats should always, always be taken seriously. They are much more than an attention-seeking ruse, they are a desperate cry for help and should never be ignored or taken lightly. People who self-harm are usually not trying to get attention, but conversely, are often ashamed and embarrassed about their behaviour. Self-harm is used as a coping mechanism, and people who self-harm are not necessarily suicidal.

Myth # 13:
Mental illness is “all in your head” and isn’t a real form of illness.

Reality:
Mental illness is about as real as it gets. It is definitely a real form of illness, as anybody who has suffered will tell you. Contrary to popular belief, mental illness can strike anybody at any time, and the resulting damage is often catastrophic. It is equally debilitating as physical illness and scientifically can be considered so.

Myth # 14:
People with mental illnesses are violent or a danger to society.

Reality:
People with mental illnesses are no more prone to violence than anybody else. They may even be victimized more frequently than most people, as mentioned here.

Sources:

http://www.cmha.ca/mental_health/myths-about-mental-illness/#.UnCChhaR25c